Tyler (reboot79) wrote,

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Catchin' Up

So I guess you might be wondering where I've been for so long... why I don't update anymore... I have this feeling that I've already tried to explain it, but for some reason I don't feel as though I said what I was meaning to say... thus, I'll attempt to do it now.

I purchased this livejournal for all the wrong reasons. About a year ago, I was visiting my dad in New Jersey. David, Jen and I were on the outs, and one of the major reasons for our displeasure with one another had quite a lot to do with what one person claimed the other person had been saying about another... Those of you who have stuck with this journal since the begining know exactly what I'm talking about, so there is no need for a refresher course.

All the gossip and lies were simply that until I stumbled upon David's livejournal. I had no idea he had one, and then I found it, and all was in black and white. I read it for quite a while before I let anyone know, and I pretended like everything was fine and that I was as blind as I was before.

So, on the visit to my dad's, I decided I would purchase my own livejournal and use it to slander the very same people who were doing just that on their own. Stupid idea? I guess so... It felt empowering at the time... being able to say whatever I wanted to say about whomever I wanted to say it and have it available to millions of people to read, if they so chose. Writing in my livejournal became a sort of daily shit-fling which only got worse when the formentioned stumbled upon my own and the slandering became a two-way street.

My livejournal saw me through two "breakups" with the same group of people... Between those events, my livejournal served as a sort of, "look what I did today" diary of the life of your average high-school student with a car. Nearly every evening after returning from a night on the town with my friends, I'd sit in front of the computer and describe that night's events for the rest of the world to see.

What I didn't realize, however, is how much of a powerful bragging system it became; not just for myself but for any one of my peers who had one. Those who claimed to have a life hidden from their friends, be it either a secret fame or crush, used their livejournal to write what they knew they could never tell face-to-face without coming off as a complete moron. In turn, the rest of us felt a need to raise the bar and make are lives seem just as interesting.

What I hadn't realized until just recently is that, even with all the bar-raising and truth-bending going on, myself and the majority of my livejournalized friends really didn't have to do that much exagerating. We really did do all of those things... We really did buy all of that stuff... We really did talk to all of those people. The rediculousness of the situation didn't really become evident to me until I realized just how far a select group of the livejournalized were willing to go. One lied suddenly turned into a way of life for a person, and quickly grew out-of-control... To the point where I feel that person truly believes the lies they tell.

Beyond the exageration, livejournal turned into this sort of "what were they really thinking?" source. If you had just gotten back from something with one of your friends, you could quickly discovery what was going on in their mind the whole time by reading their latest journal entry, which was sure to have been completed by the next morning.

In a world where too many people are scared to say what they truly think, this all may have seemed completely normal. In this case, however, those involved felt as though they were being expressive, when in reality all they were doing were writing fictional tales about what they were too scared to say in person.

So, when I moved on campus, the hustle and bustle of my new life, the sincerity of my newfound friends, and my desire for relationships based far more on reality than on one person's unattainable dreams led me to the conclusion that this whole livejournal thing was nothing but a waste of time better spent in the real world doing real things with real people. Therefore, I shall only update this on occasion, and if you can't handle that, then TOUGH SHIT!

"'Cause I Wanted To Fly
So You Gave Me Your Wings"
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